Prince Charles' diaries have been delivered to the British scandal rag Mail on Sunday. It says in them he thinks of himself as a dissident. It turns out he had Buddhist sympathies. Well, well, well.

I hate Buddhists and this confirms all my anxieties about them. I mean look at Charles - he's backed up, man. He needs an erotic massage. He needs someone who can use their hands. He's so backed up that his sperm has probably congealed into a hard paste. (Hey, this isn't cheap vulgarity, this is dark poetry.) Buddhists are like Catholic priests, in fact probably worse, because at least Catholic priests live their lives wrestling with sin, whereas Buddhists - all they do is go on about a wisdom - this is far more implausible and corrupt than any abstract God or Heaven. Listen kids - there ain't no such thing as wisdom. Learn to lie, kids, learn to lie well. This is the greatest, the apogee, the unification, of all the arts.

Spin your yarn, face it out, and see if you can't get what you want. And if you don't, hell, spin another yarn explaining your failure away.