Bonding With The Slavs
If there’s one thing that awakens the Germans’ fraternal instinct towards their brothers to the East, apart from prostitutes and pickles, it’s high water levels. It definitely isn’t Communism, anyway. A little summer weather in the Alps, some thawed ice in the Danube, and before you know it, half of the rugged plains around here are under water and thousands of poor people are carrying their possessions over their heads and sleeping in the local school, or else sitting on their rooftops looking distraught.
It’s all America’s fault, obviously. Bloody long-necked, power-guzzling buffoons. If Bush had signed Kyoto people wouldn’t be wading around my granny’s home tonight with torches in a determined but hopeless attempt to rescue her Meissen china. That’s a fact. The weather’s going kiwi-shaped here in Germany. Today it hailed and thundered and rained and shone as if prone to the mood swings of an adolescent girl taking her first anti-depressants. It all wouldn’t have happened when I was a kid. It was all just fields around here then, and we only had conkers to play with, and the weather had a rather more dignified way of doing things.
Comments
Class young Benji, especially like the "mood swings of an adolescent girl taking her first anti-depressant..." comparison. The weather description reminds me of summer afternoons in Sheffield...
Anonymous; April 5, 2006 7:42 PM
1. What are "conkers?" I hope you don't mean "canchres."
2. Kyoto wasn't good enough -- even Kyoto was too lax.
3. The American clime is haywire, too. NY got weather this season that would have been more appropriate for a Maryland or a Virgina winter.
V; April 6, 2006 1:33 AM
Thanks for the kind comments, V and Anon. Conkers are chestnuts hardened with vinegar and an oven. They are often threaded onto a shoelace and used as a primitive weapon against smaller children.
Ben; April 7, 2006 3:51 PM