WHERE TO MEAT CHEAPLY
I only changed the name because you have to know -- vegetarians, I am not cool with you, for reasons too complex to cover here. Besides, there's so much for the cabbage ass in this city that you don't need my help anyway.

You can eat the finest fast food in Berlin for less than €4, and that's with your .33 liters of Coke included. Hot pixx include:

• Döner. These things keep the city going. They're like gyros, but Turkish and better. I posted a winner about 'em. You generally can't get a good döner for less than €2. Sure, it goes as low as €1, but those beauts are all lip and ass, and you'll know as soon as the knife hits the thing in the window you thought was a Nerf football.

• Currywurst. Berlin's shining culinary achievement. Currywurst stands are easily to tell -- there's always a number in their name. This is because, when WWIII reaches Berlin, these will become Official Food Distribution Centres (Amtlichspeiseerteilungszentrum). "Willi? We need ze following supplies this week for Mini 42 -- Wurst, 2,000 kilos. Curry, 85.5 kilos. Oil, 65 liters. Ketchup, 240 liters..." They're fair to good, mostly on the basis of the curry ketchup, and should be below €3, even with frites.

• Pizza. Cheap and cheerful. They have small plain pizzas for €1 at a lot of places. Two of those'll tide you.

• Shawarma. Lebanese fancy with spiced meat and pommes frites. If you can find one of these, they're choice -- I haven't had a bad or unfulfilling one yet, or one that ran over €2.

• Exotica. For example, there's a kick-ass Wok Kabob at the Oregano on Oranienstrasse. Read the menus carefully for super-special deals. Try things. You're not here to watch movies and play backgammon, are you?