German Window Neurosis (GWN)
Many people here suffer from German Window Neurosis. I live with two of them, for instance. It makes no difference how old they are or where they were born or what their social background is or how high or low their level of education is or what their political affiliation is or whether they go to church or not. They seem have it from birth. It's been genetically determined. There is nothing they can do about it. Not one of them is even aware of the fact that he or she has it. They don't even know what it is. It's kind of spooky, really.
There are two manifestations or stages of GWN: GWN1 and GWN2. Sadly, they complement each other perfectly and the victim's body alters between them in regular cycles of helpless dependency throughout the course of the waking day.
The most common symptom of GWN1 is the utterance: "Fenster zu, es zieht!" Roughly translated, this means "Shut the window, its drafty!" THAT IT IS NOT IN THE LEAST BIT DRAFTY makes no difference to the poor souls affected with this disorder, they are convinced of the contrary and will not rest until the said window is firmly closed.
Within minutes, however, the cycle has reached the GWN2 stage and the victim's agitation returns with a vengeance. It is at this point that one often hears things like "Mach das Fenster auf, da ist eine Luft hier drin!" (Open the window, the air is awful here!) or "Es riecht hier wie im Raubtierkäfig!" (It smells like the cat house at the zoo here!). Needless to say, THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH THE AIR IN THE ROOM IN QUESTION, yet the window gets quickly ripped wide open anyway, unvaryingly leading back to the next GWN1 stage, of course.
German Window Neurosis is incurable. This terrible cycle is truly endless and will eventually lead, should the native live long enough, to death. It is noncommunicable, however. But wait a minute. Come to think of it... Hey! Who opened that damned window over there?
Comments
GOD begins like German
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unionsbuerger; April 30, 2006 2:51 PM
If, God forbid, there is another war with Germany, I have always said that the quickest way to get them to surrender is to threaten (no need to actually do anything, just threaten) them with air conditioning. They will fold like a cheap tent.
JM; April 30, 2006 5:11 PM