Okay, okay. A little history never hurt anybody so here it is really kurz gefasst (in a nutshell): Wurst was invented about five thousand years ago in what is today modern Iraq by the anything but modern Sumerians. It was basically the logical outcome of efficient butchery (talk about a dubious compliment) because the Sumerians had to make all that groady stuff look edible somehow and not throw away anything because they were just as hungry back then as we are now only maybe more so doch (after all). That’s why they stuffed it into even more groady stuff called, well, intestines and then preserved it somehow by curing it or smoking it, making sure not to tell anybody about the intestine part, of course.

Now fade out and come back to the year 2006.

That’s when I ask the guy behind the counter what kind of Wurst they sell there. Now most Wursttheken-guys you might ask that question to here would just start laughing themselves silly. I mean, how can anybody ask a more stupid question than that? Any self-respecting Wursttheke will have dozens, if not hundreds of Wurst varieties on hand. But this guy was so dumbstruck by so much dumbassness that it took him a few moments just to collect his thoughts properly. Then he got mad. At least I think he got mad. He saw the people starting to line up behind me and saw his opportunity to expose me for what he held me to be and began loudly and personally introduced me to every Wurst variety they sold there (and a few they didn’t). You know, he made a real big deal out of it. It was a real Wurst party, so-to-speak.

He started out with the Blutwurst (blood sausage) and the Braunschweiger and then moved on to the Wiener, the Zwiebelwurst (onion sausage) and the Mettwurst, took a short detour over to the Jagdwurst and the Weißwurst and then hung a sharp left and had to come to a screeching halt somewhere near the Saumagen because a few of the people gathering dangerously close behind me were beginning to screech, as well.

He thought he had me. He had this triumphant look in his eye when he then asked me what I’d like to order. The tension was palpable. Another man might have crumbled. But I asked him if he had any Mexican chorizo. He started turning red this time so I said thanks but no thanks and grabbed a handful of Bifis (http://www.bifi.de/) and got the hell out of there.

Like I said, Wurst is big medicine in Germany. In case you didn’t know, I mean. That’s why they’ve got about eight or nine hundred idiomatic Wurst-expressions here, too. And here are three of my favorites:

Es geht um die Wurst.
Literal meaning: It’s about the sausage.
In other words: It’s all or nothing.

Es ist mir Wurst.
Literal meaning: It’s sausage to me.
In other words: It’s all the same to me.

Alles hat ein Ende nur die Wurst hat zwei.
Literal meaning: Everything has an end except the sausage which has two.
In other words: Same as the literal meaning, meaningless, in other words.