At this month's In Transit dance festival performed in Berlin, many fantastic shows were performed that led intractably chirpy young actresses to chirrup about the trance-like states they got into. Not only this, some over-excited journalists were to be heard screaming into their phones, "This show is a FUCKING MIRACLE."

This year's country in focus was Brazil, and one of the best shows on offer was INCARNAT, a performance based on a Susan Sontag essay. At one point, a man with a penis the size of an ACORN squirted two bottles of tomato ketchup onto his lower abdomen which ran down and turned into a pair of ketchup underpants.

There was also a magical show like a dream from Taiwan and I never wanted it to stop so I wouldn't have to return to the profane life I lead. It showed a world of perfection that I am not allowed to be part of.

Christy just said this in his sleep, "Ben, you have AIDS. You stabbed yourself with a knife and gave yourself your own AIDS."