Pioneering bear shot dead by hunters

Are famous animals' lives worth more than their zoo counterparts? The answer is yes. The more a dog or tiger, let's say, lives like a human being, the more we accept it into our ranks. Not that we care when it dies -- just, as far as the public eye is concerned, animals can ascend the genetic ladder to humanity the same way Paris Hilton or Big Brother cast members have.

But what of this rogueish bear that captured our hearts with his insatiable lust for life? He was a young, scrappy rebel, not afraid of our Satzung einer Gesellschaft (societal rules), though he was alone in his species and his mission. He was misunderstood and finally slain for it, rather than captured -- the gospel he preached was too radical, too dangerous. Sure, he was a "threat," his "boldness" was "too much," so a "preemptive strike" was necessary. Of course, this is the reasoning that brings about the end of all great men -- excuse me, man-bears. Sure, he killed livestock, but so do we! Is our cold-blooded, sterile method so much better? He was a child!

We're building a shrine to this great soul in our living room. But it's a crude gesture -- he's already been immortalized in the night sky.