The above is just funny and serves as a sorbet to a far more serious issue -- Madonna is going to come to Düsseldorf and shock everyone with her decades-old schtick. Just kidding! That's not a serious issue. Except that it's being treated as one by some special interest groups apparently made up by Harry Stephen Keeler, and their lackeys in the legal profession.

So they'll get together and watch the show -- actually, they won't, they'll just check out the reviews and work from there -- and then decide whether it was insulting or not. There's the usual mention of how drastic the country that let a baby murderer skate can get on someone who violates their esoteric religion and decency laws -- in this case, three years in prison, which is even more than someone who illegally downloads a song. The chances of this happening are pretty low -- it'd be an act of war against the lucrative entertainment industry -- but who the hell knows? The whole world seems desperate for attention from this perspective: the Church is defending its sacred traditions from being mocked, which has always worked out well; Germany, attempting the good name of Austria by striking down anyone prominent who seems even mildly provocative -- again, good luck with that, guys; Madonna, old and moldering, is willing to kick out her old jams with ten times the blasphemy if it can get her through the year (at least Prince had the dignity -- or was it the talent? -- to seal the vault).

So Rome's the cradle of Christianity now? I thought it was mostly in Iraq. How about mounting the disco cross there, you 49-year-old master provocateur? I loved your H&M ads, by the way, which are currently plaguing the usually uncomplicated dream state of Berlin billboards.