Nothing better than showing scheming militants the chink in your nation’s armor

Engineers have warned the German federal government that many of its buildings could totter and collapse after a terrorist attack, according to the German news magazine Der Spiegel on Saturday. It said the "shocking" findings disproved previous assumptions that tall ferroconcrete buildings would remain standing, despite being damaged by bombs or aircraft strikes.

Dammit, why do these reports make it into the papers? German buildings are structurally weak? Duh, they’re old. Anyone who can’t figure out that a government building thrown up during the growth booms of the 30’s and 60’s might not be the soundest stone in the bridge, well, this article can’t help them. And in the meantime, who is it helping?

I remember when they were making a huge deal out of how easy the US would be to attack with agroterrorism three years ago. It hasn’t happened – thank God, because the speed and effectiveness of the story prepared us for every possible scenario. Just kidding. As per every mention in that wave of locusts: “FDA officials are finding it ‘very difficult’ to work with the food industry to close the security gaps.” Of course, seeking to alarm, the article in question doesn’t even address whether they are indeed closable, which I’m suspecting they aren’t. In the meantime, thanks for the idea, you idiots. Time to activate that sleeper cell 20 miles out of Omaha.

I’m not going to say something like militants (not terrorists: happy now, Semantic Brigade?) aren’t smart and methodical or something, but as well-trained and intelligent as they may be, I must admit some of their schemes are a little too half-baked to be worth their lives – excuse me, their ascent into a multi-virgined Paradise. Lots of examples, and we don’t even have to go that far back: remember July 31st, in Cologne?

Let’s harden targets, let’s scramble the cops, let’s get mad at Bush for causing all this. Actually, let’s not. There’s never just one of these stories. All putting the word out about our public weaknesses does is send a little shiver down your spine every time you enter the Hauptbahnhof, or Deutschebank headquarters. But chances are, if you are someone who enters these buildings frequently, you’re also smart enough to see past the fear that it is the sole purpose of these reports to engender.